A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, "In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they'll have something to spend over there."
They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same. The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive.
Nothing seemed to work.
Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.
"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
"Yes, I do," the patient replied.
"Very well, then," the doctor said.
He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.
The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"
"Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive.
Nothing seemed to work.
Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.
"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
"Yes, I do," the patient replied.
"Very well, then," the doctor said.
He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.
The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"
"Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Son asked his mother the following question:
'Mum, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and
replies,
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and TAKES him on a walkabout,
he shows him the fridge and asks him what is the colour, to which the son
replies : ' WHITE '.
he does the same for the dishwasher,
the washing machine, Fridge
the stove, etc etc.
Then he tells the son:
'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
'Mum, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and
replies,
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and TAKES him on a walkabout,
he shows him the fridge and asks him what is the colour, to which the son
replies : ' WHITE '.
he does the same for the dishwasher,
the washing machine, Fridge
the stove, etc etc.
Then he tells the son:
'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I can have as many as I want
A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, "No. These are for boys."
The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!"
But the next day, the little girl has the same bike. The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"
The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want."
A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, "No. These are for boys."
The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!"
But the next day, the little girl has the same bike. The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"
The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want."
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
3 Times
A couple were marking their 50th anniversary and after a few pre-dinner drinks and a couple of celebratory glasses of wine, the man says to his wife, "Vesta, we've had a great life together, with blessings and contentment. But there's something I've always wondered about. Would you tell me the truth? Have you ever been unfaithful to me?
"She hesitated a moment before I heard her say, "Yes, Sidney, three times." Looking a bit shocked, he then asked, "Three times? How could that happen?" Vesta lowered her voice, and said "Well, do you remember that right after we were married we were so broke that the bank was about to foreclose on our little house?" Sidney nodded and admitted that those were really difficult times. "And remember when I went to see the banker one night and the next day the bank extended our loan?" Vesta asked.
By the look on her husband's face I knew this was tough to hear, but he nodded and said quietly, "Things were bad then, I remember, so I guess I can forgive you."
He hesitated before asking, "When was the second time?" She bit her lower lip before saying, "Do you remember years later when you nearly died of a heart problem and because our insurance wasn't very good, we couldn't afford an operation?" Sidney acknowledged that he did remember.
Vesta went on to add, "Then you also recall that after I went to see the doctor he performed the operation at no cost?" Sidney nodded again and admitted that although the confession shocked him, he understood that she did what she did for love of him, and he forgave her.
"So what was the third time?" Vesta lowered her head and said, "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club and you needed 37 more votes?"
A couple were marking their 50th anniversary and after a few pre-dinner drinks and a couple of celebratory glasses of wine, the man says to his wife, "Vesta, we've had a great life together, with blessings and contentment. But there's something I've always wondered about. Would you tell me the truth? Have you ever been unfaithful to me?
"She hesitated a moment before I heard her say, "Yes, Sidney, three times." Looking a bit shocked, he then asked, "Three times? How could that happen?" Vesta lowered her voice, and said "Well, do you remember that right after we were married we were so broke that the bank was about to foreclose on our little house?" Sidney nodded and admitted that those were really difficult times. "And remember when I went to see the banker one night and the next day the bank extended our loan?" Vesta asked.
By the look on her husband's face I knew this was tough to hear, but he nodded and said quietly, "Things were bad then, I remember, so I guess I can forgive you."
He hesitated before asking, "When was the second time?" She bit her lower lip before saying, "Do you remember years later when you nearly died of a heart problem and because our insurance wasn't very good, we couldn't afford an operation?" Sidney acknowledged that he did remember.
Vesta went on to add, "Then you also recall that after I went to see the doctor he performed the operation at no cost?" Sidney nodded again and admitted that although the confession shocked him, he understood that she did what she did for love of him, and he forgave her.
"So what was the third time?" Vesta lowered her head and said, "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club and you needed 37 more votes?"
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
In order to ensure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T) .
We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.
Employees who don’t take their S.H.I.T will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T) .
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T ).
Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don’t have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T , you may be interested in a job teaching others.
We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).
For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION ( M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T) . This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING ( H.O.T.S.H.I.T ) .
Thank you.
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)
We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.
Employees who don’t take their S.H.I.T will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T) .
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T ).
Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don’t have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T , you may be interested in a job teaching others.
We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).
For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION ( M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T) . This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING ( H.O.T.S.H.I.T ) .
Thank you.
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Most Singapore go UK to Study 'Law'
UK Immigration Officer: Purpose of visit?
Visitor: I'm here to study law, sir.
Officer: You know, you must have a lot of lawyers in Singapore .
Visitor: Why do you say that?
Officer: Well, I've been here for a good twenty years, and I'd say 80% of Singaporeans I see here say they're here to read law.
Visitor: Oh, really? That's something I never knew. Hard to believe in fact.
Officer: Just you watch, then. You just stand here until the next Singaporean comes along, and I'll bet he's here to read law.
Visitor waits for 5 minutes, Ah Chong from Singapore comes to immigration counter.
Officer: Mr. Ah Chong, purpose of visit?
Ah Chong: Study lorr.
UK Immigration Officer: Purpose of visit?
Visitor: I'm here to study law, sir.
Officer: You know, you must have a lot of lawyers in Singapore .
Visitor: Why do you say that?
Officer: Well, I've been here for a good twenty years, and I'd say 80% of Singaporeans I see here say they're here to read law.
Visitor: Oh, really? That's something I never knew. Hard to believe in fact.
Officer: Just you watch, then. You just stand here until the next Singaporean comes along, and I'll bet he's here to read law.
Visitor waits for 5 minutes, Ah Chong from Singapore comes to immigration counter.
Officer: Mr. Ah Chong, purpose of visit?
Ah Chong: Study lorr.
Monday, December 08, 2008
What happens when you leave your computer on while you sleep:
Check out this link:
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jvdkuyp/flash/see.htm
Check out this link:
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jvdkuyp/flash/see.htm
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Saturday, December 06, 2008
These are actual excuse notes teachers have received, spelling mistakes included.
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Psychiatrist Jokes
Two patients were having an argument in a psychiatric hospital. One says to the other,"I'm the American President." The second asks, "How do you know that you're the American President?" The first replied, "God told me I was." Then a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "No, I didn't!"
---------
"Please tell me more about your family," said the pyschiatrist.
"Well, my sister has been behaving strangely. I think she is mad," said the patient.
"Why do you said that?"
"Well, she thought she was a chicken. She would run around the house clucking and scratching and trying to lay eggs."
"That sounds bizarre,'"admitted the psychiatrist."Did your parents do anything about her conditions?"
"Nothing, doctor. We are a poor family, and besides, we needed the eggs."
Two patients were having an argument in a psychiatric hospital. One says to the other,"I'm the American President." The second asks, "How do you know that you're the American President?" The first replied, "God told me I was." Then a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "No, I didn't!"
---------
"Please tell me more about your family," said the pyschiatrist.
"Well, my sister has been behaving strangely. I think she is mad," said the patient.
"Why do you said that?"
"Well, she thought she was a chicken. She would run around the house clucking and scratching and trying to lay eggs."
"That sounds bizarre,'"admitted the psychiatrist."Did your parents do anything about her conditions?"
"Nothing, doctor. We are a poor family, and besides, we needed the eggs."
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
"I think I have a problem, Doc," says a patient. "One of my balls has turned blue."
The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes that the patient will die if he doesn't have his testicle removed.
"Are you crazy?!" bursts the patient. "How could I let you do such a thing to me!"
"You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, at which point the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed.
Two weeks after the operation, the patient comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue, too."
Again, the doctor tells him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off, too. Again, the man is very reluctant to the idea.
"Hey, you want to die?" asks the doctor, and the patient has to agree with the operation. After two weeks of being testicle-less, the patient returns to the doctor and says, "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blue."
After briefly examining the patient, the doctor gives him the bad news: If he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, the patient does not want to hear about it.
"You want to die?" asks the doctor.
"But...how do I pee?"
"We'll install a plastic pipe, and there will be no problem." So the patient has his penis removed, and, a while after the operation, the unfortunate man enters the doctor's office again. He is very angry.
"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue!"
"What?"
"Can you tell me what the hell is happening??"
The doctor examines the patient more carefully and says, "Hmmm, I don't know. Could it be the jeans?"
The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes that the patient will die if he doesn't have his testicle removed.
"Are you crazy?!" bursts the patient. "How could I let you do such a thing to me!"
"You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, at which point the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed.
Two weeks after the operation, the patient comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue, too."
Again, the doctor tells him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off, too. Again, the man is very reluctant to the idea.
"Hey, you want to die?" asks the doctor, and the patient has to agree with the operation. After two weeks of being testicle-less, the patient returns to the doctor and says, "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blue."
After briefly examining the patient, the doctor gives him the bad news: If he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, the patient does not want to hear about it.
"You want to die?" asks the doctor.
"But...how do I pee?"
"We'll install a plastic pipe, and there will be no problem." So the patient has his penis removed, and, a while after the operation, the unfortunate man enters the doctor's office again. He is very angry.
"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue!"
"What?"
"Can you tell me what the hell is happening??"
The doctor examines the patient more carefully and says, "Hmmm, I don't know. Could it be the jeans?"
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Ah Beng bought a new mobile and he sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book.
The text message was, 'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
================================================== ===
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
================================================== ===
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
================================================== ===
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
================================================== ===
Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.
================================================== ===
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'
================================================== ===
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'
================================================== ===
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
================================================== ===
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so.
He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
================================================== ===
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings.
He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
================================================== ===
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
================================================== ===
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
The text message was, 'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
================================================== ===
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
================================================== ===
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
================================================== ===
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
================================================== ===
Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.
================================================== ===
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'
================================================== ===
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'
================================================== ===
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
================================================== ===
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so.
He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
================================================== ===
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings.
He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
================================================== ===
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
================================================== ===
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Latest 2008 X'mas song
By request...
You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.
It's hitting you once,
It's hitting you twice
It doesn't care if you've been careful and wise
Recession is coming to town
It's worthless if you've got shares
It's worthless if you've got bonds
It's safe when you've got cash in hand
So keep cash for goodness sake, HEY
You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town!
Finance products are confusing
Finance products are so vague
The banks make you bear the cost of risk
So keep out for goodness sake, OH
You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.
By request...
You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.
It's hitting you once,
It's hitting you twice
It doesn't care if you've been careful and wise
Recession is coming to town
It's worthless if you've got shares
It's worthless if you've got bonds
It's safe when you've got cash in hand
So keep cash for goodness sake, HEY
You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town!
Finance products are confusing
Finance products are so vague
The banks make you bear the cost of risk
So keep out for goodness sake, OH
You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church, the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."
She told him, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on, whenever you have to pee, just tell me that you have to whisper."
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father. During the service, the boy said, "Daddy, I have to whisper."
The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear?"
She told him, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on, whenever you have to pee, just tell me that you have to whisper."
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father. During the service, the boy said, "Daddy, I have to whisper."
The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear?"
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
One day Ah Lian and Ah Huay were walking along the beach, when they came across a lamp half hidden in the sand. "Hey look, a lamp!", exclaimed Ah Lian,"Let's see if there's a genie to grant us wishes". Ah Huay: "yap, ok you rubbed the lamp, i will see if there's a genie"
After some vigorious rubbing by Ah Lian, out come a genie from the lamp and the Genie said: "Thank you for releasing me, and to repay your kindness, i will grant one wish to each of you"
Out of greed, Ah Huay quickly said:" Genie, whatever she wish, i want double of it" Genie: "Ok no problem"
Ah Lian smile and said "I want my figure to be 36, 24, 36.."
And both wishes were granted........^^
After some vigorious rubbing by Ah Lian, out come a genie from the lamp and the Genie said: "Thank you for releasing me, and to repay your kindness, i will grant one wish to each of you"
Out of greed, Ah Huay quickly said:" Genie, whatever she wish, i want double of it" Genie: "Ok no problem"
Ah Lian smile and said "I want my figure to be 36, 24, 36.."
And both wishes were granted........^^
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
笑死人的12星座宝?
白羊座
妈妈经常叮嘱羊羊："穿裙子时不可以荡秋千；不然，会被小男生看到里面的小内裤哦！"
有一天，羊羊高兴地对妈妈说："今天我和小明比赛荡秋千，我赢了！"
妈妈生气地说："不是告诉过你吗？穿裙子时不要荡秋千！"
羊羊骄傲地说："可是我好聪明哦！我把里面的小内裤脱掉了，这样他就看不到我的小内裤了！"
（勇敢直率、敢做敢为的白羊）
金牛座
卖瓜小贩："快来吃西瓜，不甜不要钱！"
饥渴的牛牛："哇！太好了，老板，来个不甜的！"
（持家、想出轨又顾全自己的金牛）
双子座
妈妈叫双双起床："快点起来！公鸡都叫好几遍了！"
双双说："公鸡叫和我有什么关系？我又不是母鸡！"
（自我意识强烈、自行思维的双子）
巨蟹座
公车上，蟹蟹说："今晚我要和妈妈睡！"
妈妈问道："你将来娶了媳妇也和妈妈睡阿？"
蟹蟹不假思索："嗯！"
妈妈又问："那你媳妇怎么办？"
蟹蟹想了半天，说："好办，让她跟爸爸睡！"
妈妈："！＠＃＄％︿＆＊（……—"
再看爸爸，已经热泪盈眶啦！
（恋母情结、依恋的巨蟹）
狮子座
狮狮去参加奶奶的寿宴。到了吃寿包的时候，狮狮问："我们为什么要吃这种像屁股的寿包？"
众人听了脸色大变。
接著狮狮拨开寿包，看看里面的豆沙，说："奶奶，快看！里面还有大便！"
众人晕的晕，吐的吐。
（以自我感受、不怕旁人眼光的骄傲的狮子）
处女座
处处对肚脐很好奇，就问爸爸。
爸爸把脐带连著胎儿与母体的道理简单地讲了一下，说："婴儿离开母体之后，医生把脐带减断，并打了一个结，後来就成了肚脐。"
处处："那医生为什么不打个蝴蝶结？"
（好奇心强又追求完美的处女）
天秤座
父亲对天天说："今天不要上学了，昨晚．．．你妈给你生了两个弟弟。你给老师说一下就行了。"
天天却回答："爸爸，我只说生了一个；另一个，我想留著下星期不想上时再说！"
（聪明、权衡利弊的天平）
天蠍座
蠍蠍刚睡著，就叫蚊子叮了一口。
他起来赶蚊子，却怎么也赶不出去。没法，便指著蚊子说："好吧，你不出去我出去！"边说边出了房间，把门使劲关严得意地说："哼！我今晚不进屋，非把你饿死不可！"
（搞不懂、不按常理出牌的天蝎）
射手座
射射："爸爸，为什么你有那么多白头发？"
爸爸："因为你不乖，所以爸爸有好多白头发阿。"
射射：……（疑惑中）
射射："那为什么爷爷全部都是白头发？"
爸爸：！＠＃＄％︿＆＊（……
（喜欢思考的射手）
摩羯座
一天，羯羯跟妈妈上街；走在路上，突然下起雨来。
妈妈拉过羯羯的小手，说："下雨了，快往前跑阿！"
羯羯慢条斯理地问："那前面就不下雨喽！？"
（明白现实懒得改变的摩羯）
水瓶座
瓶瓶问妈妈："问什么称蒋先生为『先人』？"
妈妈说："因为'先人'是对死去的人的称呼。"
瓶瓶说："那去世的奶奶是不是要叫『鲜奶』？"
（天生的另类、脑筋思考永远和常人不一样的水瓶）
双鱼座
爸爸给鱼鱼讲小时候经常挨饿的事。
听完後，鱼鱼两眼含泪，十分同情地问："哦，爸爸，你是因为没饭吃才来我们家的吗？"
（富含丰富同情心、不分情况对象的双鱼）
__________________
白羊座
妈妈经常叮嘱羊羊："穿裙子时不可以荡秋千；不然，会被小男生看到里面的小内裤哦！"
有一天，羊羊高兴地对妈妈说："今天我和小明比赛荡秋千，我赢了！"
妈妈生气地说："不是告诉过你吗？穿裙子时不要荡秋千！"
羊羊骄傲地说："可是我好聪明哦！我把里面的小内裤脱掉了，这样他就看不到我的小内裤了！"
（勇敢直率、敢做敢为的白羊）
金牛座
卖瓜小贩："快来吃西瓜，不甜不要钱！"
饥渴的牛牛："哇！太好了，老板，来个不甜的！"
（持家、想出轨又顾全自己的金牛）
双子座
妈妈叫双双起床："快点起来！公鸡都叫好几遍了！"
双双说："公鸡叫和我有什么关系？我又不是母鸡！"
（自我意识强烈、自行思维的双子）
巨蟹座
公车上，蟹蟹说："今晚我要和妈妈睡！"
妈妈问道："你将来娶了媳妇也和妈妈睡阿？"
蟹蟹不假思索："嗯！"
妈妈又问："那你媳妇怎么办？"
蟹蟹想了半天，说："好办，让她跟爸爸睡！"
妈妈："！＠＃＄％︿＆＊（……—"
再看爸爸，已经热泪盈眶啦！
（恋母情结、依恋的巨蟹）
狮子座
狮狮去参加奶奶的寿宴。到了吃寿包的时候，狮狮问："我们为什么要吃这种像屁股的寿包？"
众人听了脸色大变。
接著狮狮拨开寿包，看看里面的豆沙，说："奶奶，快看！里面还有大便！"
众人晕的晕，吐的吐。
（以自我感受、不怕旁人眼光的骄傲的狮子）
处女座
处处对肚脐很好奇，就问爸爸。
爸爸把脐带连著胎儿与母体的道理简单地讲了一下，说："婴儿离开母体之后，医生把脐带减断，并打了一个结，後来就成了肚脐。"
处处："那医生为什么不打个蝴蝶结？"
（好奇心强又追求完美的处女）
天秤座
父亲对天天说："今天不要上学了，昨晚．．．你妈给你生了两个弟弟。你给老师说一下就行了。"
天天却回答："爸爸，我只说生了一个；另一个，我想留著下星期不想上时再说！"
（聪明、权衡利弊的天平）
天蠍座
蠍蠍刚睡著，就叫蚊子叮了一口。
他起来赶蚊子，却怎么也赶不出去。没法，便指著蚊子说："好吧，你不出去我出去！"边说边出了房间，把门使劲关严得意地说："哼！我今晚不进屋，非把你饿死不可！"
（搞不懂、不按常理出牌的天蝎）
射手座
射射："爸爸，为什么你有那么多白头发？"
爸爸："因为你不乖，所以爸爸有好多白头发阿。"
射射：……（疑惑中）
射射："那为什么爷爷全部都是白头发？"
爸爸：！＠＃＄％︿＆＊（……
（喜欢思考的射手）
摩羯座
一天，羯羯跟妈妈上街；走在路上，突然下起雨来。
妈妈拉过羯羯的小手，说："下雨了，快往前跑阿！"
羯羯慢条斯理地问："那前面就不下雨喽！？"
（明白现实懒得改变的摩羯）
水瓶座
瓶瓶问妈妈："问什么称蒋先生为『先人』？"
妈妈说："因为'先人'是对死去的人的称呼。"
瓶瓶说："那去世的奶奶是不是要叫『鲜奶』？"
（天生的另类、脑筋思考永远和常人不一样的水瓶）
双鱼座
爸爸给鱼鱼讲小时候经常挨饿的事。
听完後，鱼鱼两眼含泪，十分同情地问："哦，爸爸，你是因为没饭吃才来我们家的吗？"
（富含丰富同情心、不分情况对象的双鱼）
__________________
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
You are somewhere near my age if you are:
1. You grew up watching He-man, Transformers, Silver hawk and Mickey Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles and Smurfs too.
2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brush your teeth with a coloured mug. The teachers said you must brush each side10 times too.
3. You know what's Bin(1) Fen(1) Ba (1) San(1) is all about.
4. You know what SBC stands for.
5. You were there when the first chinese serial, the Awakening was shown on TV.
6.Internet? What the hell is that? So you thought a decade or more ago.
7. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school.
8. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats are made of wood and the cushion is red.! The big red bell gives a loud BEEEP! when pressed.There are colourful tickets for TIBS buses. The conductor will check for tickets by using a machine which punches a hole on the ticket.
9. Your favourite actor and actress is Huang Wenyong and Xiangyun. Next is Lee Nanxing and Zoe Tay and the Aiyoyo woman.
10. You've probably read Young Generation magazine. You know who's Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.
11. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.
12. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50.
13. Gals are fascinated by Strawberry Short Cake and Barbie Dolls.
14. You learn to laugh like The Count in Sesame Street.
15. You longed to buy tibits called Kaka(20 cents per pack) and Ding Dang(50 cents per box), that had a toy in it and it changes every week not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackers and the ring pop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring.
16. You watched TV2(also known as Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.
17. All that you know about Cantonese is from the Hong Kong serials you watched on TV2.
18. Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven are probably the thickest story books you ever thought you have read, even Sweet Valley High and Malory Towers.
19. Civics and Moral Education was "Hao3 Gong1 Min2".
20. KFC used to be a high class restaurant that serve food in plates and let you use metal forks and knives.
21. The most vulgar thing you said was ******* and idiot and THE MOST EXTREME WAS 'super white'...you just couldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.
22. Catching was the IN thing and twist the magic word.
23. Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow.
24. CDIS was your best friend.
25. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixilated characters in 16 colours walking about trying to teach you maths.
26. Water bottles were slung around your neck and a must everywhere you go.
27. Boys loved to play soccer with small tennis balls in the basketball court or play something that uses tennis ball to hit other players known as "HUM TAM BOLA" during recess /after school
28. Hopscotch, five stones, chapteh and zero point were all the rage with the girls and boys too...
29. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the most important plants of our lives.
30. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei and John, eternalized in our minds from the textbooks, even Mr Wally, especially a bunny on your English Pets Coursebook.
31. You did stupid exercises like seal crawl and frog jumps.
32. Every children's day and national day you either get pins or pens with 'Happy Children's Day 1993' or dumb files with Happy National Day 1994'.
33. In Primary six you had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister and brother.
34. Chinese teachers were always old, boring and damn fierce looking.
35. Your form teacher taught you maths, science and english.
36. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.
37. You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained, and you find a dry spot in the school to sit down, dry your feet, and wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.
38. Famous Chinese singers were only Jacky Cheung, Andy Lau, Aaron Kwok and Leon Lai
39. School dismissal time was normally around 1 pm.
40. There would be spelling tests and mental sums to do almost everyday.
41. Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.
42. During class gatherings, parents always tag along in case someone gets lost at Orchard Road.
43. You freak out when the teacher tells you to line up according to height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.
44. Handkerchiefs were a must for both genders
45. Collecting notebook and all kinds of stationery was a popular thing. You collect countries erasers and use them to compete with classmates by trying to push yours on top of theirs.
46. Autograph books were loaded with "Best Wishes", "Forget Me Not", and small poems like "Bird fly high, hard to catch, Friends like you, hard to forget".
47. Class monitors and prefects loved to say "You talk some more, I write your name ah!"
48. There were at least 40 people in one class.
49. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried.
50. You brought every single book to school, even though there was one thing called the timetable.
Reply Forward
New window
1. You grew up watching He-man, Transformers, Silver hawk and Mickey Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles and Smurfs too.
2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brush your teeth with a coloured mug. The teachers said you must brush each side10 times too.
3. You know what's Bin(1) Fen(1) Ba (1) San(1) is all about.
4. You know what SBC stands for.
5. You were there when the first chinese serial, the Awakening was shown on TV.
6.Internet? What the hell is that? So you thought a decade or more ago.
7. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school.
8. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats are made of wood and the cushion is red.! The big red bell gives a loud BEEEP! when pressed.There are colourful tickets for TIBS buses. The conductor will check for tickets by using a machine which punches a hole on the ticket.
9. Your favourite actor and actress is Huang Wenyong and Xiangyun. Next is Lee Nanxing and Zoe Tay and the Aiyoyo woman.
10. You've probably read Young Generation magazine. You know who's Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.
11. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.
12. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50.
13. Gals are fascinated by Strawberry Short Cake and Barbie Dolls.
14. You learn to laugh like The Count in Sesame Street.
15. You longed to buy tibits called Kaka(20 cents per pack) and Ding Dang(50 cents per box), that had a toy in it and it changes every week not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackers and the ring pop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring.
16. You watched TV2(also known as Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.
17. All that you know about Cantonese is from the Hong Kong serials you watched on TV2.
18. Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven are probably the thickest story books you ever thought you have read, even Sweet Valley High and Malory Towers.
19. Civics and Moral Education was "Hao3 Gong1 Min2".
20. KFC used to be a high class restaurant that serve food in plates and let you use metal forks and knives.
21. The most vulgar thing you said was ******* and idiot and THE MOST EXTREME WAS 'super white'...you just couldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.
22. Catching was the IN thing and twist the magic word.
23. Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow.
24. CDIS was your best friend.
25. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixilated characters in 16 colours walking about trying to teach you maths.
26. Water bottles were slung around your neck and a must everywhere you go.
27. Boys loved to play soccer with small tennis balls in the basketball court or play something that uses tennis ball to hit other players known as "HUM TAM BOLA" during recess /after school
28. Hopscotch, five stones, chapteh and zero point were all the rage with the girls and boys too...
29. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the most important plants of our lives.
30. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei and John, eternalized in our minds from the textbooks, even Mr Wally, especially a bunny on your English Pets Coursebook.
31. You did stupid exercises like seal crawl and frog jumps.
32. Every children's day and national day you either get pins or pens with 'Happy Children's Day 1993' or dumb files with Happy National Day 1994'.
33. In Primary six you had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister and brother.
34. Chinese teachers were always old, boring and damn fierce looking.
35. Your form teacher taught you maths, science and english.
36. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.
37. You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained, and you find a dry spot in the school to sit down, dry your feet, and wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.
38. Famous Chinese singers were only Jacky Cheung, Andy Lau, Aaron Kwok and Leon Lai
39. School dismissal time was normally around 1 pm.
40. There would be spelling tests and mental sums to do almost everyday.
41. Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.
42. During class gatherings, parents always tag along in case someone gets lost at Orchard Road.
43. You freak out when the teacher tells you to line up according to height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.
44. Handkerchiefs were a must for both genders
45. Collecting notebook and all kinds of stationery was a popular thing. You collect countries erasers and use them to compete with classmates by trying to push yours on top of theirs.
46. Autograph books were loaded with "Best Wishes", "Forget Me Not", and small poems like "Bird fly high, hard to catch, Friends like you, hard to forget".
47. Class monitors and prefects loved to say "You talk some more, I write your name ah!"
48. There were at least 40 people in one class.
49. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried.
50. You brought every single book to school, even though there was one thing called the timetable.
Reply Forward
New window
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Commerical break
Earn money while reading emails that you are interested in.
More details at: Send me my email.
Earn money while reading emails that you are interested in.
More details at: Send me my email.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies,
he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says
"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
Steven ___berg???
The astonished Chinese man replied
"It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says
"You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
As he was a great fan of his movies,
he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says
"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
Steven ___berg???
The astonished Chinese man replied
"It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says
"You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and
says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a
strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.
That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,
We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of
sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He
says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for.
There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
The monks reply, Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk.
We shall now show you the way to the sound.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the
monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man
had gone through doors of emerald,...
..silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door.
The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight
. . But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a
strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.
That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,
We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of
sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He
says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for.
There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
The monks reply, Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk.
We shall now show you the way to the sound.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the
monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man
had gone through doors of emerald,...
..silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door.
The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight
. . But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
The top 10 unintentionally worst company URL
Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's
world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name
selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do
this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies
who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give
their domain names enough consideration:
1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent
that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South
Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com
9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their
whacky website:
www.speedofart.com
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com
Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's
world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name
selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do
this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies
who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give
their domain names enough consideration:
1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent
that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South
Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com
9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their
whacky website:
www.speedofart.com
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Overhead in a Sunday school one morning....
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.
"NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again the answer was, "NO!"
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again.
Once more they all answered, "NO!"
"Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "then how can I get into heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out,"YOU GOT TO BE DEAD!"
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.
"NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again the answer was, "NO!"
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again.
Once more they all answered, "NO!"
"Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "then how can I get into heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out,"YOU GOT TO BE DEAD!"
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Singh Stories
Story 1
One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach inAmerica . A lady came and
asked him, "Are you relaxing?" Singh answered, " No, I am Banta Singh."
Another guy came and asked him the same question. Singh answered, "No No Me Banta Singh!"
Third one came and asked him the same question again. Singh was totally
annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. He went up to
him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The other Singh was a lot more
educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
The Singh slapped him on his face and said, Stupid, idiot.Everyone is
looking for you and you are sitting over here!"
Story 2
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final
examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes,
and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.
He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant,
socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here,
'Answer the following questions in brief' ."
Story 3
Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like
hell.
So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid ? "
First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my
finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished
and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
Story 4
A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect
due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly
soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T"
2. How many seconds are in a year?
The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even
though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a
year?"
The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
Story 1
One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach inAmerica . A lady came and
asked him, "Are you relaxing?" Singh answered, " No, I am Banta Singh."
Another guy came and asked him the same question. Singh answered, "No No Me Banta Singh!"
Third one came and asked him the same question again. Singh was totally
annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. He went up to
him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The other Singh was a lot more
educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
The Singh slapped him on his face and said, Stupid, idiot.Everyone is
looking for you and you are sitting over here!"
Story 2
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final
examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes,
and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.
He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant,
socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here,
'Answer the following questions in brief' ."
Story 3
Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like
hell.
So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid ? "
First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my
finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished
and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
Story 4
A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect
due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly
soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T"
2. How many seconds are in a year?
The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even
though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a
year?"
The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients.
He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?"
Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know,it's the strangest
thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on
for me automatically when I open the door!"
The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the
man's son, Ah Seng and his wife answers.
The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your
father-in-law.It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens
the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..."
At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Aiyo, Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the
fridge again!"
He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?"
Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know,it's the strangest
thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on
for me automatically when I open the door!"
The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the
man's son, Ah Seng and his wife answers.
The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your
father-in-law.It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens
the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..."
At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Aiyo, Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the
fridge again!"
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes."
The Dentist because he says, "Open wide."
The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"
The Milkman because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"
The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
The Banker because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."
The Police Officer because he says, "Spread 'em."
The Mailman because he always delivers his package.
The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.
The Dentist because he says, "Open wide."
The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"
The Milkman because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"
The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
The Banker because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."
The Police Officer because he says, "Spread 'em."
The Mailman because he always delivers his package.
The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his side profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up
with?
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds"... think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does
in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his side profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up
with?
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds"... think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does
in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Q&A
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it
doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.
Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology.
When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.
Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.
Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito
enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
A: The boy friend's hand.
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan
removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front".
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it
doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.
Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology.
When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.
Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.
Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito
enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
A: The boy friend's hand.
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan
removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front".
Monday, October 27, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Lawyer Manga
Santa Singh just graduated from Law school and decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm"
During the interview, Mr. KY Lee looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for
a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application with my
wife."
And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. KY Lee's wife
said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames
beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!"
So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request for
another interview and Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already told you
that we only hire.......'
Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I know, I know. I have just
changed my name.
Lee K Y looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is your new name
then?"
On this, Santa Singh replied, 'Surname Lee, Last name, Manga!' (Manga-Lee)
Santa Singh just graduated from Law school and decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm"
During the interview, Mr. KY Lee looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for
a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application with my
wife."
And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. KY Lee's wife
said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames
beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!"
So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request for
another interview and Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already told you
that we only hire.......'
Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I know, I know. I have just
changed my name.
Lee K Y looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is your new name
then?"
On this, Santa Singh replied, 'Surname Lee, Last name, Manga!' (Manga-Lee)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
A few years ago, Japan's Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English Conversation training before he visited Washington and met president Bill Clinton.
The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hands with President Clinton, please say 'how are you'.
Then Mr. Clinton will say," I'm fine, and you?"
Now you should say 'me too'.
Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you."
It looked quite simple, but the truth was....
When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said, "Who Are You?"
Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:
"Well, I am Hilary's husband, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, hahaha..hahaha"
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.
The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hands with President Clinton, please say 'how are you'.
Then Mr. Clinton will say," I'm fine, and you?"
Now you should say 'me too'.
Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you."
It looked quite simple, but the truth was....
When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said, "Who Are You?"
Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:
"Well, I am Hilary's husband, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, hahaha..hahaha"
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Qian Pian Wen Da Ti
1问: 糖是男的或女的?
2问: 鱼为什么狡猾?
3问: 什么灯最恐怖?
4问: 什么动物最会滑倒?
5问: 小明喝牛奶长大, 大明喝什么长大?
6问: 新加坡有很多外地劳工, 那一劳赚最多钱?
7问: 那一位皇帝看不见?
8问: 小白和大白是兄弟. 小白长大了非常像大白. 猜一句成语
9问: 婴儿没有牙齿, 猜一句成语
10问: 当你开不了瓶子, 你会找那一只动物帮忙?
11问: osama, saddam hussein, george bush and tony blair 在打麻将, 谁赢了?
12问: 什么动物最好色？
13问: 小红, 小白, 小蓝, 小黄谁害怕坐 roller-coasters?
14问: 什么动物最怕冷?
15问: 黑人**或印度人**最怕吃什么?
16问: 绿豆自杀变什么?
17问: 什么电影让你等最久?
18问: 什么国家喜欢用自己的信用卡?
19问: 为什么抓不到星星?
20问: 什么动物看不见和听不到?
21问: 刀和枪是什么颜色?
22问: 谁杀了包子
Answer:
1答: 女的, 因为她会生蚂蚁
2答: 鱼骗米粉 [鱼片米粉]
3答: 宾拉灯 [bin laden]
4答: 狐狸, 因为它们脚滑 [狡猾]
5答: 酒养大明 [久仰大名]
6答: 麦当劳
7答: 康熙 (Can't see)
8答: 真像大白 [真相大白]
9答: baby无齿 [卑鄙无耻]
10答: 孔雀开瓶 [孔雀开屏]
11答: hussein = 胡先 (win first)
12答: 树熊, 因为它们喜欢抱着树"干"
13答: 小白吐 [小白兔]
14答: 青蛙, "gua..gua..gua" (cold in hokkien
15答: 巧克力, 怕咬到手指
16答: 红豆
17答: Mission Impossible. theme song "等等等等等等等等等等........."
18泰国, sar-wa-di-ca [刷我的卡]
19答: 因为星星会"闪"
20答: 聋瞎 [龙虾]
21答: 蓝色, 因为刀枪不入 (不入=blue)
答: 豆杀包 [豆沙包]
1问: 糖是男的或女的?
2问: 鱼为什么狡猾?
3问: 什么灯最恐怖?
4问: 什么动物最会滑倒?
5问: 小明喝牛奶长大, 大明喝什么长大?
6问: 新加坡有很多外地劳工, 那一劳赚最多钱?
7问: 那一位皇帝看不见?
8问: 小白和大白是兄弟. 小白长大了非常像大白. 猜一句成语
9问: 婴儿没有牙齿, 猜一句成语
10问: 当你开不了瓶子, 你会找那一只动物帮忙?
11问: osama, saddam hussein, george bush and tony blair 在打麻将, 谁赢了?
12问: 什么动物最好色？
13问: 小红, 小白, 小蓝, 小黄谁害怕坐 roller-coasters?
14问: 什么动物最怕冷?
15问: 黑人**或印度人**最怕吃什么?
16问: 绿豆自杀变什么?
17问: 什么电影让你等最久?
18问: 什么国家喜欢用自己的信用卡?
19问: 为什么抓不到星星?
20问: 什么动物看不见和听不到?
21问: 刀和枪是什么颜色?
22问: 谁杀了包子
Answer:
1答: 女的, 因为她会生蚂蚁
2答: 鱼骗米粉 [鱼片米粉]
3答: 宾拉灯 [bin laden]
4答: 狐狸, 因为它们脚滑 [狡猾]
5答: 酒养大明 [久仰大名]
6答: 麦当劳
7答: 康熙 (Can't see)
8答: 真像大白 [真相大白]
9答: baby无齿 [卑鄙无耻]
10答: 孔雀开瓶 [孔雀开屏]
11答: hussein = 胡先 (win first)
12答: 树熊, 因为它们喜欢抱着树"干"
13答: 小白吐 [小白兔]
14答: 青蛙, "gua..gua..gua" (cold in hokkien
15答: 巧克力, 怕咬到手指
16答: 红豆
17答: Mission Impossible. theme song "等等等等等等等等等等........."
18泰国, sar-wa-di-ca [刷我的卡]
19答: 因为星星会"闪"
20答: 聋瞎 [龙虾]
21答: 蓝色, 因为刀枪不入 (不入=blue)
答: 豆杀包 [豆沙包]
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
" Madam , if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this S...!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, " Why, madam? "
"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
" Madam , if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this S...!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, " Why, madam? "
"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady
Friday, October 10, 2008
Jokes from everywhere
DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into
stone. A part of me is getting hard already!
NAMES OF WIVES
A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... baby doll
3rd wife.....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife..... panadol !
HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his
country and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?"...
RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh
milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1
tea-spoon
of starch!
ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'?
"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matter, sometimes even camel !"
SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be
satisfied with self-service"
HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy
and .. Wife on the cover of "missing persons"
SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to
take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby
than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly."
VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read : BORN
A
VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "
OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything.
DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into
stone. A part of me is getting hard already!
NAMES OF WIVES
A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... baby doll
3rd wife.....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife..... panadol !
HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his
country and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?"...
RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh
milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1
tea-spoon
of starch!
ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'?
"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matter, sometimes even camel !"
SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be
satisfied with self-service"
HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy
and .. Wife on the cover of "missing persons"
SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to
take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby
than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly."
VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read : BORN
A
VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "
OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Pretty Interesting
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
________________________________
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
________________________________
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
________________________________
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
________________________________
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
________________________________
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
________________________________
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
________________________________
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
________________________________
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
________________________________
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
________________________________
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
________________________________
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
________________________________
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
________________________________
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
________________________________
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
________________________________
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
________________________________
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
________________________________
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
________________________________
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
________________________________
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
________________________________
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
________________________________
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
________________________________
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
________________________________
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
________________________________
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
________________________________
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
________________________________
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
________________________________
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
________________________________
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
________________________________
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
________________________________
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Monday, October 06, 2008
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave.
She agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal "What is 3 x 3?"
Johnny "9".
Principal "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnny "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Johnny both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Johnny, after a moment "Legs."
Ms Brooks' "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Johnny, "Pockets."
Ms Brooks "What starts with a C and ends with a T is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
Johnny, "Coconut"
Ms Brooks, "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes open really wide but Johnny was taking charge.
Johnny, "Bubblegum"
Ms Brooks, "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Johnny, "Shake hands"
Ms Brooks, "Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?"
Ms Brooks, "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."
Johnny, "Tent"
Ms Brooks, "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Johnny, "Wedding Ring"
Ms Brooks, "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good."
Johnny, "Nose"
Ms Brooks, "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."
Johnny, "Arrow"
Ms Brooks, "What word starts with an "F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Johnny, "Fire-truck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send Johnny to University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave.
She agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal "What is 3 x 3?"
Johnny "9".
Principal "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnny "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Johnny both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Johnny, after a moment "Legs."
Ms Brooks' "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Johnny, "Pockets."
Ms Brooks "What starts with a C and ends with a T is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
Johnny, "Coconut"
Ms Brooks, "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes open really wide but Johnny was taking charge.
Johnny, "Bubblegum"
Ms Brooks, "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Johnny, "Shake hands"
Ms Brooks, "Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?"
Ms Brooks, "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."
Johnny, "Tent"
Ms Brooks, "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Johnny, "Wedding Ring"
Ms Brooks, "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good."
Johnny, "Nose"
Ms Brooks, "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."
Johnny, "Arrow"
Ms Brooks, "What word starts with an "F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Johnny, "Fire-truck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send Johnny to University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Pappu Jokes
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO ! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
************
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
************
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
************
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
************
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
************
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
yourbrother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
************
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no
longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO ! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
************
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
************
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
************
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
************
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
************
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
yourbrother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
************
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no
longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
Thursday, October 02, 2008
There was a Chinese lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in
London . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed
somehow to communicate with her husband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day,
she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to
put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show
her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork
legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts.Again, she didn't know how
to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast.
The lady got what she wanted.
The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.
She brought her husband to the store............. so what did she do?
What were you thinking?! Her husband speaks English!
London . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed
somehow to communicate with her husband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day,
she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to
put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show
her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork
legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts.Again, she didn't know how
to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast.
The lady got what she wanted.
The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.
She brought her husband to the store............. so what did she do?
What were you thinking?! Her husband speaks English!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato
garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man
wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation.
Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be
able to plant my potato garden this year.
I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved
planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you
would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.
Love, Dad
........
Shortly, the old man received this telegram:
"For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I
buried the GUNS!" At 4a.m.
The next morning,
A dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the
entire garden without finding any guns.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what
hap pened, and asked him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's
the best I could do for you from here."
---------------
garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man
wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation.
Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be
able to plant my potato garden this year.
I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved
planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you
would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.
Love, Dad
........
Shortly, the old man received this telegram:
"For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I
buried the GUNS!" At 4a.m.
The next morning,
A dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the
entire garden without finding any guns.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what
hap pened, and asked him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's
the best I could do for you from here."
---------------
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
New Definition of words...
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Roon sirbees
The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:
Room Service (RS): 'Morrin. Roon sirbees.'
Guest (G): 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.'
RS: 'Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??'
G: 'Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs.'
RS: 'Ow July den?'
G: 'What??'
RS: 'Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?'
G : 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.'
RS: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?'
G: 'Crisp will be fine.'
RS : 'Hokay. An Sahn toes?'
G: 'What?'
RS:'An toes. July Sahn toes?'
G: 'I don't think so.'
RS: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes??'
G: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.'
RS: 'Toes! Toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Angli! sh moppin we bodder?'
G: 'English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.'
RS: 'We bodder?'
G: 'No...just put the bodder on the side.'
RS: 'Wad?'
G: 'I mean butter...just put it on the side.'
RS: 'Copy?'
G: 'Excuse me?'
RS: 'Copy...tea...meel?'
G: 'Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.'
RS: 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??'
G: 'Whatever you say.'
RS: 'Tenjewberrymuds.'
G : 'You're very welcome.'
The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:
Room Service (RS): 'Morrin. Roon sirbees.'
Guest (G): 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.'
RS: 'Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??'
G: 'Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs.'
RS: 'Ow July den?'
G: 'What??'
RS: 'Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?'
G : 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.'
RS: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?'
G: 'Crisp will be fine.'
RS : 'Hokay. An Sahn toes?'
G: 'What?'
RS:'An toes. July Sahn toes?'
G: 'I don't think so.'
RS: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes??'
G: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.'
RS: 'Toes! Toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Angli! sh moppin we bodder?'
G: 'English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.'
RS: 'We bodder?'
G: 'No...just put the bodder on the side.'
RS: 'Wad?'
G: 'I mean butter...just put it on the side.'
RS: 'Copy?'
G: 'Excuse me?'
RS: 'Copy...tea...meel?'
G: 'Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.'
RS: 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??'
G: 'Whatever you say.'
RS: 'Tenjewberrymuds.'
G : 'You're very welcome.'
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Before Marriage - - -
He: Yes! At last. Waiting was so hard.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get!
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage - - - simply read from bottom to top
__________________
He: Yes! At last. Waiting was so hard.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get!
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage - - - simply read from bottom to top
__________________
Monday, September 22, 2008
Commercial Break!!!
Check out my online stores, many brand new, almost new and second hand stuffs selling at a real bargain price.
Visit my store here.
Check out my online stores, many brand new, almost new and second hand stuffs selling at a real bargain price.
Visit my store here.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Chinese Names
Anne Chang
(Mandarin)-Dirty
Anne Chin
(Mandarin) - Keep quiet
Faye Chen
(Mandarin) - Dusty
Carl Cheng
(Hokkien) - Buttock
Monica Cheng
(Hokkien) - Touching your buttocks
Lucy Leow
(Hokkien) - You are dead
Jane Tan
(Mandarin) - Frying eggs
Suzie Leow
(Hokkien) - Lost till death
Henry Mah
(Mandarin) - Hate your mum
Corrine Tai
(Hokkien) - Poor fellow
Paul Chan
(Mandarin) - Bankrupt
Nelson Tan
(Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs
Leslie Tong
(Mandarin) - Rubbish bin
Carmen Teng
(Hokkien) - Leg hair long
Connie Mah
(Cantonese) - Call your mother
Danny See
(Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death
Rosie Teng
(Hokkien) - Screws and nails
Pete Tsai
(Hokkien) - Nose droppings
Macy Koh
(Cantonese) - Never die before
Anne Chang
(Mandarin)-Dirty
Anne Chin
(Mandarin) - Keep quiet
Faye Chen
(Mandarin) - Dusty
Carl Cheng
(Hokkien) - Buttock
Monica Cheng
(Hokkien) - Touching your buttocks
Lucy Leow
(Hokkien) - You are dead
Jane Tan
(Mandarin) - Frying eggs
Suzie Leow
(Hokkien) - Lost till death
Henry Mah
(Mandarin) - Hate your mum
Corrine Tai
(Hokkien) - Poor fellow
Paul Chan
(Mandarin) - Bankrupt
Nelson Tan
(Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs
Leslie Tong
(Mandarin) - Rubbish bin
Carmen Teng
(Hokkien) - Leg hair long
Connie Mah
(Cantonese) - Call your mother
Danny See
(Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death
Rosie Teng
(Hokkien) - Screws and nails
Pete Tsai
(Hokkien) - Nose droppings
Macy Koh
(Cantonese) - Never die before
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Reasons to stay at work all night
1. Act out your version of a company takeover.
2. Find a way to change everyone's password to "chrysanthemum".
3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature.
4. Sneaking in the boss's desk could land you an unexpected promotion.
5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out "what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art".
6. Go into the other gender's bathroom without fear of being caught.
7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to.
8. Leave prank messages on the CEO's voice mail.
9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss.
10. Elevator surfing!
1. Act out your version of a company takeover.
2. Find a way to change everyone's password to "chrysanthemum".
3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature.
4. Sneaking in the boss's desk could land you an unexpected promotion.
5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out "what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art".
6. Go into the other gender's bathroom without fear of being caught.
7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to.
8. Leave prank messages on the CEO's voice mail.
9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss.
10. Elevator surfing!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
During the colonial days, three friends went together to apply for a job. The prospective employer was a cocky and nasty English manager. Ah Chong was the first to be interviewed.
Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Ah Chong: Yes Sir
Manager: What will happen if I poke your left eye with my finger?
Ah Chong: I will become partially blind, Sir!
Manager: What will happen if I poke the other eye?
Ah Chong: I will become totally blind, Sir!
Manager: Very well, wait outside…Next!
As Ali was going into the room, Ah Chong told his friend, just answer "partially blind" and "blind" and you sure pass!
Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Ali: Yes Sir
Manager: What will happen if I poke your left …?
Ali: I will become partially blind, Sir!
Manager: What will happen if I poke…?
Ali: I will become totally blind, Sir!
Manager: Very well, wait outside…Next!
Ali came out and told Singh that Ah Chong was right, just answer "partially blind" and "blind" and you sure pass! However, the manager suspected something fishy and decided to change the questions...
Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Singh: Yes Sir
Manager: What will happen if I cut off your left ear?
Singh: I will become partially blind, Sir!
Manager: What will happen if I cut off your other ear?
Singh: I will become totally blind, Sir!
Angry manager: Tell me how you'll go blind if I cut off
your ears?
Singh: If you cut my left ear, my turban will drop one
side and cover my left eye. If you cut off my other ear,
my whole turban will drop and cover my eyes completely.
Guess who got the job?
Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Ah Chong: Yes Sir
Manager: What will happen if I poke your left eye with my finger?
Ah Chong: I will become partially blind, Sir!
Manager: What will happen if I poke the other eye?
Ah Chong: I will become totally blind, Sir!
Manager: Very well, wait outside…Next!
As Ali was going into the room, Ah Chong told his friend, just answer "partially blind" and "blind" and you sure pass!
Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Ali: Yes Sir
Manager: What will happen if I poke your left …?
Ali: I will become partially blind, Sir!
Manager: What will happen if I poke…?
Ali: I will become totally blind, Sir!
Manager: Very well, wait outside…Next!
Ali came out and told Singh that Ah Chong was right, just answer "partially blind" and "blind" and you sure pass! However, the manager suspected something fishy and decided to change the questions...
Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Singh: Yes Sir
Manager: What will happen if I cut off your left ear?
Singh: I will become partially blind, Sir!
Manager: What will happen if I cut off your other ear?
Singh: I will become totally blind, Sir!
Angry manager: Tell me how you'll go blind if I cut off
your ears?
Singh: If you cut my left ear, my turban will drop one
side and cover my left eye. If you cut off my other ear,
my whole turban will drop and cover my eyes completely.
Guess who got the job?
Friday, August 22, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Perfect mate
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
“The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!”
An old granny overheard and spoke up, “Honey, if that’s all you want, get a TV!”
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
“The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!”
An old granny overheard and spoke up, “Honey, if that’s all you want, get a TV!”
Friday, August 15, 2008
How much would you take off?
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
This is confusing...
A Father's Father...
Many, many years ago
When I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow,
Pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
With flowing hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
Now my daughter was my mom,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up-daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it really makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
A Father's Father...
Many, many years ago
When I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow,
Pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
With flowing hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
Now my daughter was my mom,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up-daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it really makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)