Reasons to stay at work all night

1. Act out your version of a company takeover.

2. Find a way to change everyone's password to "chrysanthemum".

3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature.

4. Sneaking in the boss's desk could land you an unexpected promotion.

5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out "what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art".

6. Go into the other gender's bathroom without fear of being caught.

7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to.

8. Leave prank messages on the CEO's voice mail.

9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss.

10. Elevator surfing!

How much will this cost me?

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: $100.00.

Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?

Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

During the colonial days, three friends went together to apply for a job. The prospective employer was a cocky and nasty English manager. Ah Chong was the first to be interviewed.

Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Ah Chong: Yes Sir

Manager: What will happen if I poke your left eye with my finger?
Ah Chong: I will become partially blind, Sir!

Manager: What will happen if I poke the other eye?
Ah Chong: I will become totally blind, Sir!

Manager: Very well, wait outside…Next!
As Ali was going into the room, Ah Chong told his friend, just answer "partially blind" and "blind" and you sure pass!

Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Ali: Yes Sir

Manager: What will happen if I poke your left …?
Ali: I will become partially blind, Sir!

Manager: What will happen if I poke…?
Ali: I will become totally blind, Sir!

Manager: Very well, wait outside…Next!

Ali came out and told Singh that Ah Chong was right, just answer "partially blind" and "blind" and you sure pass! However, the manager suspected something fishy and decided to change the questions...

Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Singh: Yes Sir

Manager: What will happen if I cut off your left ear?
Singh: I will become partially blind, Sir!

Manager: What will happen if I cut off your other ear?
Singh: I will become totally blind, Sir!

Angry manager: Tell me how you'll go blind if I cut off
your ears?
Singh: If you cut my left ear, my turban will drop one
side and cover my left eye. If you cut off my other ear,
my whole turban will drop and cover my eyes completely.

Guess who got the job?

Perfect mate

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.

“The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!”

An old granny overheard and spoke up, “Honey, if that’s all you want, get a TV!”

How much would you take off?

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'

This is confusing...

A Father's Father...

Many, many years ago
When I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow,
Pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
With flowing hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
Now my daughter was my mom,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up-daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it really makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!

Wimdows...

Too much speeding

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain"

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say"

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Winning the Toto

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray... "God, please help me. I ve lost my business and if I don t get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.

Once again, he prays.. "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Joe, buy a ticket."