Too Late...
(This is funny)




Hahahaha....

Ever wondered what will happen if Iraq wins the war?













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SIXTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman.'

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
'Is it mine?'

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'

(More tomorrow...)

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him
in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,
she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

(More coming up)

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks
in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

(Do keep a lookout of the rest of the degree in later post)

6 degrees of blonde

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!'
and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know,
some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.

(Do keep a lookout of the rest of the degree in later post)

How to do business with two cows - Interntional Business skills

TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called ' Cowkimon ' and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don ' t know where they are.
You break for lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them and hope to have more cows.

A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20. The buyer decided you can keep the milk.
They go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead. The two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.

A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One cow-peh and one cow-bu

More Sardarji jokes

Sardarji joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardarji: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

Two Men & A Lady


Two Italian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The two fought and one KILLED the other to have the lady.

Two American men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They both had the lady TOGETHER.

Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They killed the lady to have EACH OTHER.

Two Indonesian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man claimed that island is independent and took the lady as his advisor.
- The second man swam to another island to search for jobs.

Two Thai men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man rented the lady to the second man for 2 baht a night.

Two Filipino men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man kidnapped the lady and asked for ransom from the other man.

Two Malaysian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The lady ACCUSED the first man of sodomizing the other because she was rejected by both.

Two Singaporean men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The two men are still waiting for instructions from the GOVERNMENT on how to proceed.

These are cute!!!

Q: Why has the Indian Football Team never won the World Cup?
A: Because every time they get a corner, they'd set up a mama stall.

A boy came home from school with his exam results.

" What did you get?" asked his father.

" My marks are under water," said the boy.

" What do you mean 'under water'?"

" They are all below 'C' level !"

They say one can sell anything on ebay. Here is one instance...

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.

Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes.

She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

Luv Ya, Mama

In Malaysia, an Indian, a Chinese and a Malay were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on theIndian, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present, asked him what happened. "Well," said the Indian, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Chinese and the Malay and I were standing at the gates of heaven.

An Angel approached us and said that we were too young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So, of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50 and the next thing I knew I was back here. "That's amazing!" said one of the doctors. "But what happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them" replied the Indian, "the Chinese was bargaining over the price, and the Malay was waiting for the government to pay for his."

More Creative Cakes

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardarji: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardarji: Which part??? Whole body was born in India.

Creative cakes

Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style,
and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.

"Damn, he recognised me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time,
haircut, new hair colour, new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days,
saw the salesman again. "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Sardarji is filling up a job application.
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, SEX, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED.
After much thought he writes: Yes.

Please, if you find this man...

2 Hikers were hiking in a forest when suddenly a big brown bear appeared infront of them

As the bear started to walk slowly towards them looking at them fiercely in the eyes

The first Hiker started to drop his bag, remove his boots and change to his sports shoes

The second Hiker puzzled, turn around and look at him and say "What are you doing, you can't possibly outrun a bear ?"

The first Hiker replied "I know, I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you !"

Not a joke but something informative.

WORLD'S LONGEST BRIDGE

Donghai Bridge, China, 32.5km

WORLD'S BUSIEST AIRPORT

J.F.K International Airport , NY, USA

WORLD'S WIDEST BRIDGE

Sydney harbor bridge, Australia, 16 lanes of car traffic in 2 storey, 8 lanes in the upper floor, 8 in the lower floor

WORLD'S BIGGEST BUS

Neoplan Jumbo - cruiser double deck bus 2-in-1 bus, 170 passenger capacity

WORLD'S BIGGEST PASSENGER LINER

MS Freedom of the Seas……4300 passenger Capacity

WORLD'S BIGGEST AIRLINE

Airbus A380………..555 Passengers capacity

WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING

Burj Dubai 900 metres.

WORLD'S MOST COMPLEX INTERCHANGE

Interstate 10 Highways Interchange, Houston, Texas.

An old man went into a pharmacy and asked for two Viagra pills.
The pharmacist brought them out and the old man asked him to cut them in half.

The pharmacist winked at him and said, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?"

The old man said, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes!"

A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.

They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland.

Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note ... not too romantic and not too personal.

Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time.

Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items ... the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers.

Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.

Dear Maggie,

I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove).

These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.

Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.

I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love, Chris

P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.

You must be a manager

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman,
"How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,
you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be a Manager." "I am," replied
the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.

You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people
beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault

A man who couldnt pay his bill decides to settle the payment with a drawing.

(Open up to read, it is funny)

Mike found a part time job that requires him to work untill midnight.

After work, he have to take a bus number 444 back home. (4 in chinese read as 死si...which means death). Moreover, the bus 444 bus stop was like a virtual hell...freaking dark....

First day after work, Mike went to that busstop to wait for bus 444. After 15 mins of waiting, a double decker bus 444 came. On the bus...there was a bus driver and only one passenger, a strange old Ah Ma sitting at the dark corner at the back of the bus. Trying hard to ignore that ah ma, mike walk quickly to the stairs. Boy ah, dun go up, upstairs dangerous. Ah ma said with a creepy voice. So Mike take her advice and got home safely.

Second day after work..wating for 15mins at the busstop, same bus 444 came with the same bus driver and the same Ah Ma. Mike find it weird and spooky...so he decided to give it a try..go upstairs of e double decker bus. Ah boy ah! Dun u dare to cross e line..life is precious..Muhahaha. Said Ah ma in a spooky voice. Mike courage leak, decided to stay on the first floor..and fortunately reach home safely.

Third day after work, same thing happen, wait for 15mins, same bus444, bus driver and ah ma. Mike freak out..hesistate a while...tap he's card and ran up stairs of the bus. He stay 100% awake to observe what's wrong upstairs.

ting tong, the bus bell rang, Mike reach his stop and nothing bad happen to him. Out of curiosity, he ran down to seek for the Ah ma and ask her...tell me what's wrong upstairs

Ah ma said "Upstairs dun have bus driver"

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) ,

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) .

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to attack us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.



Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical .

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL : The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL : The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM : And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down….



And what did YOU think!!!

Sardarji: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardarji: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.