An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato
garden, but it was very hard work.

His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man
wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation.

Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be
able to plant my potato garden this year.

I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved
planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you
would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love, Dad

........

Shortly, the old man received this telegram:

"For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I
buried the GUNS!" At 4a.m.

The next morning,

A dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the
entire garden without finding any guns.


Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what
hap pened, and asked him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's

the best I could do for you from here."
---------------

This is cute...

New Definition of words...

Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Funny student - New additions

Roon sirbees

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

Room Service (RS): 'Morrin. Roon sirbees.'

Guest (G): 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.'

RS: 'Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??'

G: 'Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs.'

RS: 'Ow July den?'

G: 'What??'

RS: 'Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?'

G : 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.'

RS: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?'

G: 'Crisp will be fine.'

RS : 'Hokay. An Sahn toes?'

G: 'What?'

RS:'An toes. July Sahn toes?'

G: 'I don't think so.'

RS: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes??'

G: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.'

RS: 'Toes! Toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Angli! sh moppin we bodder?'

G: 'English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.'

RS: 'We bodder?'

G: 'No...just put the bodder on the side.'

RS: 'Wad?'

G: 'I mean butter...just put it on the side.'

RS: 'Copy?'

G: 'Excuse me?'

RS: 'Copy...tea...meel?'

G: 'Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.'

RS: 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??'

G: 'Whatever you say.'

RS: 'Tenjewberrymuds.'

G : 'You're very welcome.'

Since this is the Singapore GP period, let me introduce...




...the F1 Wheelchair

Before Marriage - - -

He: Yes! At last. Waiting was so hard.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get!
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage - - - simply read from bottom to top
__________________

Commercial Break!!!

Check out my online stores, many brand new, almost new and second hand stuffs selling at a real bargain price.

Visit my store here.

Once upon a time, in a southern province in china....

大陸一個口音很重的縣長到村里作報告：「兔子們，蝦米們，豬尾巴！不要醬瓜，鹹菜太貴啦！！！」
(翻譯：同志們，鄉民們，注意吧！不要講話，現在開會啦！！！）

縣長講完以後，主持人說：「鹹菜請香腸醬瓜！」
（翻譯：現在請鄉長講話！）

鄉長說：「兔子們，今天的飯狗吃了，大家都是大王八！」
（翻譯：同志們，今天的飯夠吃了，大家都吃大碗吧！）

鄉長說：「不要醬瓜，我撿個狗屎給你們舔舔．．．」
（翻譯：不要講話，我講個故事給你們聽聽．．．）

What kind of toilet is this???

Chinese Names

Anne Chang
(Mandarin)-Dirty

Anne Chin
(Mandarin) - Keep quiet

Faye Chen
(Mandarin) - Dusty

Carl Cheng
(Hokkien) - Buttock

Monica Cheng
(Hokkien) - Touching your buttocks

Lucy Leow
(Hokkien) - You are dead

Jane Tan
(Mandarin) - Frying eggs

Suzie Leow
(Hokkien) - Lost till death

Henry Mah
(Mandarin) - Hate your mum

Corrine Tai
(Hokkien) - Poor fellow

Paul Chan
(Mandarin) - Bankrupt

Nelson Tan
(Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs

Leslie Tong
(Mandarin) - Rubbish bin

Carmen Teng
(Hokkien) - Leg hair long

Connie Mah
(Cantonese) - Call your mother

Danny See
(Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death

Rosie Teng
(Hokkien) - Screws and nails

Pete Tsai
(Hokkien) - Nose droppings

Macy Koh
(Cantonese) - Never die before

More Clever Design....

Will I live any longer?
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?

Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

Very clever design....