Study = Fail

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies,

he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.


Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says

"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
Steven ___berg???

The astonished Chinese man replied

"It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".


"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says

"You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Probably another of japanese innovation again.

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and
says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a
strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.

That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,

We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.

If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of
sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He
says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for.
There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk.

We shall now show you the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the
monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man
had gone through doors of emerald,...

..silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door.

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight











. . But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

Another classic
RK House - No Pok

The top 10 unintentionally worst company URL

Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's
world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name
selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do
this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies
who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give
their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent
that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South
Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their
whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

This seems to be a very powerful car...

Overhead in a Sunday school one morning....

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.

"NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

Again the answer was, "NO!"

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again.

Once more they all answered, "NO!"

"Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "then how can I get into heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out,"YOU GOT TO BE DEAD!"

Singh Stories

Story 1

One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach inAmerica . A lady came and
asked him, "Are you relaxing?" Singh answered, " No, I am Banta Singh."

Another guy came and asked him the same question. Singh answered, "No No Me Banta Singh!"
Third one came and asked him the same question again. Singh was totally
annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. He went up to
him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The other Singh was a lot more
educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
The Singh slapped him on his face and said, Stupid, idiot.Everyone is
looking for you and you are sitting over here!"

Story 2

Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final
examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes,
and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.
He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant,
socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here,
'Answer the following questions in brief' ."

Story 3

Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like
hell.
So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid ? "
First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my
finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished
and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."

Story 4

A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect
due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly
soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T"
2. How many seconds are in a year?

The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even
though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a
year?"

The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.

NTU Lecturer...

This is not new but I think this is one of the all time favourites

Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients.

He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?"
Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know,it's the strangest
thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on
for me automatically when I open the door!"

The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the
man's son, Ah Seng and his wife answers.

The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your
father-in-law.It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens
the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..."

At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Aiyo, Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the
fridge again!"

The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes."

The Dentist because he says, "Open wide."

The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"

The Milkman because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"

The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."

The Banker because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."

The Police Officer because he says, "Spread 'em."

The Mailman because he always delivers his package.

The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.

The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his side profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up
with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds"... think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does
in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

Q&A

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it
doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.

Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology.
When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.

Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.

Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito
enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
A: The boy friend's hand.

Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan
removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front".