Eye of the Lord
A guy enters confessional and says to the priest with guilt, "I had an affair...almost."

The priest says, "What do you mean ’almost?’"

The guy says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed against each other, but then I stopped."

"In the eyes of the Lord, rubbing against each other is the same as putting it in," says the priest.

"For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $20 in the poor box."

The guy leaves the confessional, says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment then starts to leave.

The priest, seeing this, quickly runs over to him and says, "You didn’t put any money in the poor box!"

The guy stops and says, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $20 on the box, and in the eyes of the Lord, that’s the same as putting it in."